so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
