I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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