There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
