plz talk dirty to me
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
