Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
