Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(337): View more from Louisiana

Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency

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(281): View more from Texas

They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night

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(856): View more from New Jersey

It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...

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(425): View more from Washington

ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.

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(928): View more from Arizona

He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero

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(860): View more from Connecticut

And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.

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(917): View more from New York City

I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?

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