I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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