He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
