Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
