i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
