I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
