Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
