How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
