Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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