So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
