Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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