She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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