Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
