First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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