would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
