Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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