just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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