ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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