Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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