i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
