i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize