Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
