Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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