cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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