You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
