At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
