Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
