There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we made out on top of his cat.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
