I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
