I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
