He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
