How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
