it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
