As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
