yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just had sex on a roof
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize