i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
