Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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