I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
