We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize