VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude i'm inner monologue high
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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