It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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