Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize