My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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