Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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