Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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