So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
