you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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