I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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