I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
