If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You may now shotgun with the bride
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
