Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
