honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
