He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
