Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
