DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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