if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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