My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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