i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
